What is wrong with the Black Woman?

I woke up this morning feeling very beautiful, like I believe any woman who has come to understand herself and cherish what she has in every ramification should feel. I haven’t always been like that. I think for a lot of black women it’s been a love-hate relationship with different parts of their bodies – from the kinky hair, to excess endowments, to the black skin – which unfairly comes from the broader society that tells her (sometimes quietly, sometimes brashly) how unattractive she is.

Yes. And please do not pretend you don’t know where I’m going with this. You do. But if you decide to say to yourself: “Adaora cannot be talking about me since I’m fair-skinned and I have softer curly hair than most black people” then it only shows you have bigger problems than the rest of us!

Let’s be sincere to ourselves, deep down, somewhere inside of us where only God can reach (and sometimes we try to shut HIM out of there too but without any success. Lol!), we know how it feels when we run through our work load via the internet and somewhere between clicking to check our mails we stumble on Kim Kardashian’s pix or Scarlett Johansson’s….and somewhere inside of us, where our doubts have built a mansion, we whisper to ourselves: “Isn’t she a perfect beauty?”

If you have never said this, or ever wished it…then maybe, just maybe, I exaggerate things. But if you have, then it is good cos you are in the process of getting your healing faster than those who will not even admit to themselves how it feels sometimes to be black-and-a-woman in a society that favours anything lighter, slimmer, straight-haired…and stands for all the things you don’t possess! And to continuously fight the prejudice that is reserved for the way you look, is the most futile, most painful, most confusing fight anyone can ever have.

One afternoon a while back, I was in the restroom at a hotel after a long endorsement meeting that didn’t fall through, I met a lady there who happened to be a fan *smiles* and we got talking when an Asian lady walked in. My fan sighed, and then turned to me and said, “see the weave we spend so much money buying, resting peacefully on its original owner’s head!”

We both laughed it off and continued with our gist but afterwards, I did get to think about that young (and beautiful by the way) black lady’s comment on the Asian hair. I will also admit here that her (Asian) skin looked supple and so very bright and beautiful to look at. I feel that way about my own black skin though, but that was after many years of that love-hate relationship I talked about earlier.

If we think about it sincerely, we can at least admit to ourselves, oh beautiful black women, that there is a tinnie bit of wishing that our hair was the straight-and-gorgeous-out-of-bed kind, and our skin was as bright as the sun. That wish is there. If it wasn’t then all the hydroquinone products and weaves will not be multi-million dollar businesses all over the world!

But that is not to mean that we do not love ourselves. We just spend too much time thinking of the things we do not have (which affects our positivity) than being thankful for the things we have!

When we start to appreciate the black beauty – kinky hair, black skin, excessively endowed physique, then we can truly live the life we are meant to have.

And if a man won’t stay with you cos you are black and beautiful, he still won’t stay when you bleach yourself white.

We are black women. We should be proud of who we are.

Go on and shine!

-          Adaora