Can I kiss you, Hater?

Chris Brown.

Now tell me the first thought that ran through your mind when you read that name?

Did you think of a super talented musician? An amazing dancer who has been cheered along with greats like Michael Jackson? An incredible all-rounder who can also spit rhymes like a true MC?………..

Or a violent boyfriend?

Hmmmm!

When Chris Brown was first introduced to stardom, it wasn’t so hard to accept him. He could sing, he could move, and oh lordy, he looked so good. It was an easy sell, and we all agreed that this one will go far. He had youth on his side and all the energy and passion and swag that come with being one of the best.

But then something happened, and unless you are a die-hard fan of Chris Brown and he can do no wrong in your eyes, you’ll agree that that incident shook the very foundation of his soaring career.

That incident was the Rihanna abuse.

Many versions have come out for and against Breezy (that’s what hiphop calls him, sometimes). Some say Rihanna is the ‘B’ word and deserved what she got, others said they were both crazy lovers and that Riri (that’s Rihanna) gave as much emotional blows as Chris Brown’s physical blows. Others said Chris was as guilty as could possibly be and his music should be banned…all sorts came out of that one act.

And though his career didn’t take the expected nose dive to doom, his belief and confidence in himself as a good person must have sunk low and deep. We all interpret pain in different ways, it seemed Chris interpreted his own pain by churning out even better music (don’t you just love ‘Beautiful people’?). Still, I strongly believe that even in the face of such monster tracks, he is in pain because people may never be able to see him the way that he was before the incident.

It would be folly of me to talk about the issue without mentioning that Rihanna too would have suffered emotionally and even her self-confidence would have shaken, but truth is Rihanna was the victim, and despite the many back and forth arguments for and against her own role in the fracas, the majority of us on the planet was on her side to console her, therefore making her own healing faster.

But what about the abuser? Is he too not in need of.......some kind of comfort?

Ok! Before you throw stones my way for this blasphemy (Lol!), I’d like to say here that the only way true healing can happen is when both victim and predator (or whatever term we want to use for Breezy) go through proper counselling and relief. If not, one person find the spirit to move on while the other remains in the same state that made him do what he did in the first place.

I hope you are getting me?

That relief can be prison time, it can be counselling, it can be rehabilitation, anything but the constant badgering of the person’s self-worth and right to a second chance.

Now note that I am talking only about issues bordering on some kind of violence, and not paedophilia, murder or any of those malevolent born-out-of-the-devil’s-womb criminal acts! That is why I use Chris and Rihanna as my example.

The truth of the matter is, Chris ‘Breezy’ Brown is still an amazing talent, and it is sad that at present when his name comes to mind, many of us remember not his music or his last amazing stage performance, or his many awards, but we remember him as an abuser of the weaker sex, and that may not leave our heads for a long time to come.

Why?

Because they are people who play the devil’s advocate, constantly reminding him and us why he should never be given another chance to redeem himself.

They are what we call, HATERS!

Even in our miniature industry here in Nigeria, we suffer in the hands of haters who stumble on themselves just to spread the latest sour gist. Like chocolate is to children, and diamond is to women, your destruction is the oxygen that sustains haters!

As much as we should not live based on any tag fixed on us by others, it is hard to completely ignore what another is saying about you. And because we are human, when we cannot fight back we find all those catchy phrases to make us feel better: “I don’t have time for any hater, I am busy living a good life….” “Haters got nothing on me, I am above them, they can’t get to me…”

Good. But even in the midst of such words is pain because deep down we all just want to be accepted and respected.

So my therapy for us this morning is to just blow a big kiss to the haters. They come in many shapes and sizes and their joy is in your downfall. You can’t fight their dirty battle, don’t even bother. They are like Boko Haram, ready to destroy everything beautiful to justify their own sad lives.

And since we cannot live perfect lives (only God is perfect), we can only continue to ward off these haters with kind words if possible, so they do not build a temple of suspicion, mistrust or scepticism where we doubt our own God-given abilities to win in life.

Live with the truth in your heart: your mistakes are yours to make, and you shall overcome all your shortcomings. No matter what haters do to distract you from your ultimate goal, don’t stick around throwing punches, blow them a kiss and walk into your destiny.

Mwah!!!!

-          Adaora