“Hello Friend, Is there poison in my tea?”

Friendship is a hard thing. Sometimes it brings you joy, other times pain and regret.

I have been a victim of sour friendship. A friend should be someone who stands by you through it all but in a fast-paced society, it is almost impossible to find that kind of friendship that is loyal and true to you.

I remember a particular friend. We both started off good, but things went really bad at some point. It was basically fuelled by her determination to see that I don’t rise above her; and me, in all my simplicity didn’t see her coming with her conniving ways.

I applauded her rise even when she was hell-bent on proving that I couldn’t rise just as fast. She even ridiculed my weight at some point; going as far as making sure that my size would be a hindrance to my progress in life.

*Sigh!* Just thinking about it now still breaks my heart.

Even then, I tried to make up with her after so many years of unnecessary enmity, but she literally banged the phone on me when I called.

I shrugged it off. She’s living her life; and I am living mine. Life must go on.

Unlike parents and siblings, we have the opportunity to choose the friends that we want around us. Sometimes we choose the wrong ones, sometimes we get it right. I wouldn’t say I have been lucky in that department of life, but no matter who comes into my life, I try to give my best into it.

I see her growth, and I still wish her well. But I’m not sure if she wishes the same for me.

The worst thing that can happen to friendship is when it becomes competitive. People say competition is healthy, most of the time it is not.

The only competition that should be encouraged is the competition you have with yourself, not when you try so desperately to be better than someone else. How are you sure you are both on the same page in life. How can you be so sure you are even heading in the same direction? What if she’s going North, and you are heading South?

Friendship is for loving, caring and sharing; not for warring.

Let’s find a friend today, but be careful who you let into your life. If you can’t leave your cup of tea on the table for fear of poisoning, then that friend is better off without that tag.

Good morning.

-          Adaora

Sonia, what were you thinking?

We woke up on Saturday to the blatant pictures of an 18-year-old girl licking on DavidO’s (19) tattoo in bed (after rounds of sex, of course), and with no speck of shame, the young lady tweets about how great his d**k is.

Please don’t laugh cos there’s nothing remotely funny about it. We are talking teenagers here. This girl has all her priorities mixed up and in the nearest future will reap abundantly this stupidity she has sown in her life and on the world wide web. I am saddened. What have we become? What has the world become? Sonia (the girl in question) tweets again that out of many she was chosen so she has to show-off; and adds that: “all na hustle!”

The world is truly coming to an end.

I remember when I was 18; what did I know? All I cared about was making it through school with good results and getting my career path sorted. Sex was not on that list. It is not supposed to be. And it is just heart-breaking that many people believe there’s nothing wrong with what she did; and even go on to call anyone who does a hater!

This happened only a day or two after Joy Isi Bewaji, my friend and publicist, wrote a piece on ynalja titled: On Hiphop, hos, and air-heads, thoroughly capturing the culture of hip-hop and how it must share the blame in the lives of girls like Sonia. The culture of hip-hop is so desperate, so stark, so vain, it’s no wonder why so many Sonias are created out of it these days.

I have copied the article for my blog visitors to read and see just how important it is to live your life away from the dictates of some kind of music that births some kind of lifestyle.

Enjoy and share your thoughts….

Thought Couture: On Hiphop, hos, and air-heads by Joy Isi Bewaji

From the few amazing hip-hop lyrics Nigerians have had the privilege of listening to, to the grumpy mishap of so many others, it would seem that hip-hop admires only one kind of woman – the heavily endowed anatomy that is ‘packed’ on both ends with a lot of thick flesh not easily shaken. In a way, this has formed the ideal kind of woman for even regular dudes with no concrete reason why they seem drawn to that specification. Whatever thoughts we have of black music (especially) and how it runs the risk of making teenage girls lose their virginity too fast, or a desperate need for women to wear butt pads and padded bras just to fit the stereotype hip-hop look, it is at risk of making young men treacherously deluded when it comes to their expectations of the female form.

Hilarious as it may seem that a grown man with, hopefully, a working brain would need to pick a partner based on the size of her boobs in comparison with that of Amber Rose and expect that singular decision should lead to a happy relationship is beyond me. But it is happening every day. It is a culture that derides any woman with average built. And because we rely mostly on hip-hop more than any other genre to entertain us, we are quick to buy into the fantasies of what is on offer.

One of it is the unnecessary need for guys to be insensitive. If you go on twitter most guys, between the ages of 18 – 32, spend too much of their time dissing women and their body-parts. A tweet that speaks tactlessly on women and how far many of them are cursed with small this-and-that would receive many staggering re-tweets and replies in only a few minutes. This goes to show that the best way to stay relevant and cool on social network is to pick jokes at women. It wouldn’t be so pathetic if the women themselves did not indulge these boys, trying to make them see how blessed they (women) are to be endowed with the ideal hip-hop anatomy by displaying their body parts at the only form of identification on their pages. There is, of course, the ripple effect that comes out of this – people meet up, sex happens, life becomes complicated. And to get some kind of sanity back, we turn to the music and the cycle happens all over again.

Secondly, it is disturbing how women allow a few videos, probably photo-shopped look of another woman determine their own level of beauty and happiness. It used to be that everyone wanted to be fit, especially for health reasons; we work out, try to lose all that weight and stay a size 4 hopefully (unless you are born with big bones). When you do all the necessary exercise and diet, the normal result would be smaller breasts and fitter buttocks. That is a way of keeping the weight issues at bay. But now we are back to the fattening room, not because we really want to be fat but we need certain parts of our bodies to remain fat so we fit into the needs of the 21^st century guy who just cannot think straight or make any concrete decision in life without the need to ride on an XXXL sized booty.

It’s a hip-hop problem.

Even our idea of love and relationship is twisted. A guy that shows any form of vulnerability towards the opposite sex is considered a douche bag, a fag, less-than-a-man. The culture of hip-hop expects him to be brash, insensitive, rough, tough, easy to discard, and indifferent. And if at all he thinks you are cool (after assessing if you have a whooping booty and actual boobs), he makes it clear it’s just for the shags, no commitment…

So the results are: too many hos, too many players, lots of drugs, air-heads, and a total depreciation of societal values.

Along the line, we see that violence also finds a place in the equation with bratty, unapologetic behaviour from young adults who should be more concerned about building careers.

Little wonder we have women who would readily make themselves available for a quack doctor to inject cement into their butt! It is sheer madness that has been fuelled for years by hip-hop.

Here’s a story so gloriously tacky that it never leaves the lips of a circle of friends: it is about a guy who was sold on the hip-hop hype and wanted to be with a thick woman so badly that all he cared about was the size of certain parts of a woman. He ends up with one with just the right size that could compete with any video vixen. They get into the groove and pow!!! He discovers she’s just “a bag of fat” after all the clothes “keeping ‘em all together” comes off!

And then another one who marries the anatomy-of-desire, exchange vows with these body-parts he chose for himself and then right in front of him, she grows obese after three children.

You see, it’s just music. Even when they sell a certain kind of image, these musicians live very different lives away from the pictures you see in their videos.

So doesn’t it make you rather unintelligent that you would carve your own desires and future around something that is almost unreal?

The Big and Bold decision

Adele won six Grammys at the just concluded event.

The beauty of that win is for everyone, especially plus-sized women.

There’s a reason why I started this blog. If you look at my pay-off it says: “the life and ambition of a plus-sized sweetheart.”

I am here to celebrate the plus-sized woman because I am one. So when I see a plus-sized sister succeed in a tough environment - an environment that clearly makes her feel uncomfortable because of its frequent request for her to lose weight, to stay a certain size, to find ‘beauty’ - it makes me glad.

Adele has suffered bad relationships, and only God knows what else especially in the skinny-obsessed America. But she triumphs eventually. And not just a drop of success but a sweeping achievement that would be hard to beat!

It brought tears to her eyes. My heart leapt for her!

What that tells you, my dear fellow plus-sized sweethearts is: nothing, and I repeat, nothing is beyond your reach. People may try to define what they think is good for you, but it is only you (and the God that you worship) that can truly position and make you shine beyond anyone’s imagination.

The world is a tough place to be; but we are all in it, and we must trudge on to find definition for ourselves.

That is the challenge.

And not matter what others are going through. It seems the plus-sized people have a harder chance at making it work.

Sigh!

But Adele success is a good booster for our ego.

No matter your sex – man or woman. Create the world you want for yourselves, because at the end of it, the laws of nature does not care what size you are.

And who says you are not beautiful? Stand in front of your mirror in all your glory and declare the beauty that you are. God does not create ugly. Appreciate who you are!

The weekend is here already. Celebrate your life.

Yay!

-          Adaora

Cupid hasn't left town just yet!

Hey all!

A new show is starting this evening on CityFM 105.1. I’m excited cos it’s a show that will be anchored by my publicist, Joy Isi Bewaji, and I have also had the privilege of getting a scoop of what it’s about. It’s gonna be different, fun, and fresh! So tune in by 5pm.

She’s gonna be match-making celebrities. And the twitter page has been hot since Monday with all kinds of peeps playing cupid. LOL!

If I were to join in the game, I’d pick a couple of names who I think would look super-cool together:

The first set would be DonJazzy and Toolz. Toolz is the OAP on Beat FM. She’s thick, she’s curvy, she’s hot. And you know I love my plus-sized sisters! I think they’ll look good together.

Banky W would make a good match with Tiwa Savage. Their kids will be so beautiful! Don’t you agree?

In my industry, I’ll give Muna to Nonso Diobi just because they already look like siblings – all round cuteness.

Who would you like to see together? You can join in the game. The twitter handle is @Ent_Top3

Join in the fun!

Another gist that’s hot is MI’s multimillion naira office. Don’t you just love that guy? Success is such sweet syrup. All the best, superstar!

For the rest of us, go out and prosper. God will make us all bigger.

Cheers!

-          Adaora

Wake. Stretch. Jerk off!

I refuse to talk about the news making rounds that a popular pastor thinks masturbation isn’t a sin. I am neither here nor there on the matter *coughs*

What I really want to talk about is the reasons why we do what we do all in the name of love…or in the name of what love can give back to us.

In this case, love represents a visa, money, a job, a house, some kind of connection to bigger things…anything that makes us bigger, richer or better.

If you didn’t see the picture that made its round on social network last week, well here it is………..

Please allow me to Laugh Out Loud!!!!

It is one thing to be desperate enough to end up with someone for all the wrong reasons, but it is another kettle of shame when your family members play along with you.

Haba!

So who’s going to put this young man in shape if he is so deluded to think that marrying an older, bald woman would give him the keys to the room full of gold?

Let’s get creative for a bit and see how this script might play out:

They get to UK, US, wherever the chick is from…

She gets back to work and he resumes his duty as the bed-mate, watching all the series on TV, eating everything within his reach, getting her dinner warm, and of course warming her bed.

Until she gets tired of fending for this black man with enough energy in bed to move mount Kilamanjaro…

She starts to get ticked off and then he goes out to look for a job

He gets a job as a cleaner in a restaurant…

He starts to flirt with his Asian colleague

She is younger and fresher, and makes the mistake of leaving their flirty texts on his phone

Baldie wife snoops around and finds the texts

Now his ass is going to be fried in the kitchen, and threats of throwing him back to Africa where lions will finish the job is screamed until her veins turn from green to purple….

In all of this, young Nigerian male is still yet to find the gold room…it doesn’t exist of course, and he has to WORK like every other human being to make money!

But you would think everyone would know that….hmmm!

I think it hurts even God when we delude ourselves to think we can reap from someone on the basis of their nationality, colour etc. Make the best of your own situation and don’t think you can jerk off forever on someone else’s fortune.

Peace.

-          Adaora

Ring the alarm!

Hello all! How was the weekend? Smooth? Rough? Kind? Sweet?

Whatever it was, a new week is here and we can make it a whole lot better than last week.

I got into a lot of soul searching during the weekend. And I have come to one conclusion:

Do. You.

I have given more than a decade to an industry that I love with all my heart. To be fair, the industry has shown me love and has accepted me and made me part of it. But there comes a time where you want more because you believe you deserve more, so what is stopping you?

There are many things that might hinder progress. But I’m sure we all have the head-knowledge of what they are. As someone in the limelight, I would like to speak about one key and very useful ingredient.

Publicity.

You see, for many years I didn’t think it was such a big deal. I believed your talent was enough publicity on its own. If you are good, they will find you out. Right? Wrong!

The best brands in the world have been splashed all over our faces, on our corridors, roads for us to take notice and admit they are good.

In a technologically driven society where you need to consistently update your presence like facebook updates its ‘look and feel’ then you need more than your talent to speak for you. You need to put a mechanism in place that runs your business like it’s going out of fashion!

I have come to realise that is the only way to stay fresh.

My publicist, Joy, and I went CD and books shopping this weekend, when I heard her scream “What???” at the CD shelf and rushed to know what could alarm her so bad. She was staring at someone’s CD – it was Vector’s and she said, “Vector has an album?”

And I shrugged cos I didn’t know that either. And she was truly pained by this, just as she was pained by Timi Dakolo’s.

All these great talents with no gong to sing their arrival.

Vector is a good rapper, he could be great if only there’s a proper mechanism to keep getting us to want more of him. And so is Timi Dakolo; ah! The magic of his voice!

And I also accept, even as I have spent so long in an industry, I could be bigger. But like a lot of people, I believed solely on my talent and didn’t pay enough attention to the other side that would quench the thirst of the fans. They want to see you in a certain light, even if it is humanly impossible to be perfect always, they want to see you try and play god.

It’s called perception, and it sells bigger than talent.

Rihanna doesn’t have the biggest voice. P.Diddy isn’t even an average rapper – talentwise. And on and on and on…

Perception is truly reality! So get on that train and build yourself.

Only you, through your decisions, can make you bigger

-          Adaora

Winner and Losers

I just heard 6 foot 7 foot off MI’s Illegal Music 2 featuring Phenom, and all I have to say is….

HOT!!!!!

MI is the biggest rap act in all of Africa at the moment, and to see a young uprising rapper (Phenom) take on his part so very well is just amazing!!!! It’s just goes to show how much we all have inside of us if we can find the right platform. Phenom is trending at the moment so that shows just how much of him everyone loves.

Er…I took a peek at his twitter pix, and he isn’t bad looking at all *coughs*

More hot spits to your talent dude. You are a winner most definitely!

Did y’all hear about the life sentences Abdulmutallab bagged for trying to bomb an airplane a few years back? Well, the young lad, from a rich Nigerian home by the way, will be spending the rest of his life in jail. And if the movies we watch is anything to go by, he is going to be raped and eventually made someone’s wife in jail. Sad. Sad. Sad.

But then again, a worthy lesson for all terrorists out there. You are the misplaced seed in a world that can be peaceful and joyful. And we are tired of having to live fearful lives just because you exist. May you all fall inside the pits that you dug. Amen!

For this young lad that has wasted all the opportunities his family has presented to him just so he can be a fanatic of some sort, he is a loser and we are ashamed how you have contributed in ruining the Nigerian image.

I also hear Lami’s new song “Baby” featuring Kel and Mo’cheddah. Not bad. They are winners in their own rights. Without a doubt Mo’cheddah is a fantastic artiste, her ease from rap to singing is just sweet. You are a winner girl!

Whatever the case maybe, it is Friday and we’ve got a few hours at work before we decide what we’ll be doing for the rest of the day/evening. Whatever you decide, play the winner – help someone home if you’ve got a ride, buy a drink for the pretty lady or handsome dude at the club, drag someone who is burdened with life issues to go out for a dance, treat someone to a cinema time out.

Let’s win all through the weekend.

See ya!

-          Adaora

Caring Dude, Rich Dude, Who'll Burst your Speakers. Lol!

My people!

Good to have you at the Café this morning. Tea is ready and hot, just as hot as the gist we’ll be sharing in a minute.

I started off the week with the “Husband for Sale” test. I got your rib-cracking responses and it just makes me realise how very different we all are in the things we want out of life, which is good cos therein lies the spice needed to make this world as exciting, crazy and fun as possible.

I want us to take a look at that list again and then I’m ready to give my verdict on each one of them.

So here goes…

1.       Ugly and Caring

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder *coughs*. Yes! As long as you like who he is and is blind to this ugliness the world sees, it’s fine. In this era, a Caring man is an asset. So I wouldn’t rule this out completely. Go for him!

2.       Handsome but Rude

We see them everywhere, don’t we? The brother who believes he’s so hot he can get any chick we wants, and because of this he has an ego the size of a pumpkin. I think any girl who winds up with this lot is in big trouble. Run! He is no good for you. Except you have your mission clear and his total ill-manners will not hinder you.

3.       Handsome, Caring but Unfaithful

Ah! Don’t we just hate an unfaithful partner? And I think it is just irritating for a man to be caring and still go behind your back to stab you. That is exactly what happens when he tells you he loves you, buys you gifts etc and still shares those same special words and feeling with the next girl. Uuugh! WRONG! Stay away from him – far away!

4.       Rich but Ugly and Short

Hmmm! I don’t think this is too bad. You see, we didn’t create ourselves. Is it fair to judge people based on how they look? I don’t think so. There’s someone for everyone, and as long as a man does all he can to make you happy and comfortable and complements you, I don’t think we should spend too much time judging the parts of him he cannot change.

5.       Handsome, Caring, Faithful, but Broke

Personally, I don’t like the word “Broke”, it’s just wrong! People should find out how to make it in life – read books, observe, get mentors, study the lives of very successful people. Do everything you can to get a life! So if a man is broke, it’s a problem because there’s a root problem there that is bigger than the issues in his pocket. And this goes for everyone – work and make money. I’m not saying we all would end up like Dangote, but at least you’ll be able to take care of your personal needs and some extra.

Quick question: how can a man be Broke and Caring at the same time? Is it the sex? Or the fact that he listens to you? What makes him caring if he cannot support you financially or support your dreams (because it takes a man with vision to help his woman grow)? Let me know your thoughts on this one.

6.       Totally broke but Religious and God-fearing

Oh boy! Wasn’t that Arowolo dude (the man who slaughtered his wife) God-fearing? His facebook page was filled with the scriptures. He married Titi in the name of the Lord. Err….let’s move on please, this particular one is just too controversial for me.

7.       Very Rich, Handsome, Caring but Impotent

Wahala dey oh! Lol! Sex is a major part in love oh. How we go do nah…lol!

I’m not sure what to say, but like one of the comments I got: “if he can get it UP then we’ll adopt” but another one said: “impotency sometimes affects the ability to even get it UP”

Aaaaah! Wahala don jam trouble be dat.

Share your thoughts on these please.

-          Adaora

Will You Marry Me?........

"For Better For Fidelity"

 And Alas Valentine day has blown over,...yesterday just like every other year it comes with various razzmatazz, really I am not a greatfan of Val's day because of funny stories that make up that day. Though A day set for lovers but sometimes I just think it is always misrepresented. Well i spent mine indoors all through dealing with designs for my fashion line, well guess its my new found love now so I spent my own lovers day with my designs**coughs** after all it's all about love ***just joking*** Anyways enough of me lets look at what special thing happened yesterday....a guy proposed to his girlfriend on beat FM he actually called her from the station OMG how cute that was!!! Her joy and excitement brought me close to tears and just when I was getting over that a friend called me later at night to tell me that tubaba properly known as TUFACE IDIBIA just proposed to his long time girlfriend and one of his baby mama Annie Macauley, that got me screaming loud because we all had given up hope as regards TUFACE marital status how much more to Annie..... seriously it has been l ong coming and no matter how hard that decision to getting married could have been for him I just love him more for making the right choice that further goes to show that he truly believes in first love. Annie I must say is quiet a strong woman to have been around and been through thick and thin and never gave up even when his gailings were legendary. For once the idea of true valentine spirit smiled on my mind once again. True love through endurance and patience.....it's a virtue.... I say congrats to all the couple that sealed their union yesterday in the spirt of Valentine and most especially to ANNIE & TUFACE....
Let the wedding celebration drums rolls
Yipeeeeeeeeee
 Xoxo....
Adaora

Who’s having sex tonight?

It’s Valentine’s Day!

Ok. Breathe!  Now tell me, what does Valentine’s Day mean to you, really?

I can make a few guesses: it’s chocolate and kisses, gifts and sweet words, getting to finally tell someone you want them or need them. It’s sex, it’s romance. It’s all the things we never get to show for the remaining 364 days of the year.

And that worries me, you know.

Love is a good thing, and if you find love on February 14, well it’s cool. But to reserve your ability to show love only on a special day is just….bleh!

I know we get caught up in life. Life is such hard work by itself, so we do forget to pay a visit, give a hug, send a message, say I love you to people that matter. And since we are living in a fast world with fast people, fast business and fast money, it is only fair that we forgive ourselves for making a big deal of only just one day of the year!

My main concern is the result of this special day. Like anything good, it is usually abused. For some, it could be that Valentine is the day for unprotected sex, it could be the day you don’t get to hit her, or the day you stay home with the Mrs…and then after that day we go back and live the rest of the year like we always do – fight, hurt, war, kill, lie, steal, abuse!

I love Valentine. Ah! Over the years it has gathered many disciples to start a revival. But we need our discipleship to stay longer than just 24 hours.

So whatever you think Valentine means to you and the one you love, let it remain all year round. Keep the love alive.

So what’s your special day going to be like? Movies? Shopping? Or you just going to relax at home and watch a movie in each other’s arms?

I think the best way is to get to know each other. Don’t get distracted by activities. Look into your eyes and sincerely confess how you feel, what hurts you, what makes you happy, and all that. Get to understand the one you love and vice versa.

And if you don’t have that special someone, reach out to someone in your extended family, a friend, or the less privileged.

And the sex, yes the sex. Use a condom if you have to get down to it!

Happy Valentine!

-          Adaora

Bad Boys Kill Dreams

Where do broken hearts go?

Losing Whitney Houston over the weekend was a big shock to the entire world. Here was a woman whose life started like a fairy tale – big voice, high energy, beauty, love from both white and black community, awards, fame, wealth….

And then it all took a rude turn with Bobby and drugs as the fountain of her calamity. We blinked, and Whitney was a different human being entirely! Her beauty faded away, her voice lost its sheen and the music stopped for a long time.

The queen of pop slowly took a back seat in our lives whilst we rejoiced with the new princesses of music like Rihanna who reminded us how rewarding hard work and persistence can be (not that I make any comparisons)

We were glad when Whitney made a come-back, finally we could feel that velvety voice of hers with the energy that only her claimed for many years. The album dropped, and we were empathetic that she wasn’t as silky smooth as she used to be.

To be fair, who goes through years of drug addiction and still come out feeling, sounding or looking pristine?

But we were willing to watch her get her groove back, grow back into herself and gain her life…it would be gradual, die-hard fans like me realise this, but it would be worth the time.

And then, just like Michael Jackson, she died just when she was about to blow the candle, making her best wish.

*Tears*

Again, if we are fair without calling a spade a hammer, we would agree that one character that she let into her life caused a major part of the down-turn her life eventually took.

Bobby Brown.

I am not relieving Whitney of any blame. As an adult it is still her final decision to permit anyone to hurt her.  So to some extent, yes, Whitney did contribute to her own misery.

Bobby was the bad boy, and we know how women feel about bad boys, we want a piece of them, even if we will never take them home to mama. We want to be the one who would be said changed a bad boy. We want to have him exclusively so other girls can be jealous. We want him because he is bad, and hot, and every girls wild fantasy.

But the bad boy is a bad boy and do bad things to himself, to you, and to the people in your lives.

Of course, Whitney must have been experimenting with drugs like most other artistes, but to now be tied to someone whose prerogative is to be in the wrong most of the time was just the fuel needed to continue into the lure of bad attitude. With that followed a series of appearances on the red carpet and on TV that just ridiculed the true essence of the woman we once loved so dearly.

Now she’s dead. Does it make any sense that she lost her life because of bad company?

Love is a good thing, but love hurts. And when love hurts too deep, it is best to walk away. As women we are always afraid to be alone, to stay without a man, so we stay with whatever and whoever. It happens even to men too. We get married for all the wrong reasons.

I had wanted to take time out to dissect the husbands that were on sale last Friday. I’ll do that properly tomorrow. But as part of that article, whilst you are shopping for your partner, remember not everything that glitters is made of pure gold. Cheap shiny wraps glitter, and so do cheap jewellery. Just because there’s a shine to it doesn’t make it real.

RIP Whitney Houston.

-          Adaora

Husbands for Sale!

Hi people!

I know this ‘test’ has passed around cyber world and most of you must have stumbled on it but I can’t help it, I would like to know what you all think about it.

It’s called the Husband Test.

Ladies, if you were to choose a husband from the list provided below, who would you rather end up with? Check it out:

1.       Ugly but Caring

2.       Handsome but Rude

3.       Handsome, Caring, but Unfaithful

4.       Rich but Ugly and Short

5.       Handsome, Caring, Faithful but Broke

6.       Totally Broke but Religious and God fearing

7.       Very Rich, Caring, Handsome but Impotent

Ok! This list does not in any way suggest that we can’t get the ‘perfect’ partner, it just means that, well, things are not as perfect as they seem all the time. LOL!

I want to get your comments. Tomorrow I’ll share my thoughts on every one of them.

Gotta run now, there’s a lot of work ahead of me.

Love ya!

-          Adaora

Tease me, baby!

So Valentine is just around the corner. For some of us it’s a big deal, for others it’s just another working day. But no matter how we view that particular day, it is the essence of the day that we should hold dear.

Love is a beautiful thing, and in a world where we are gradually losing the ability to express love openly, freely and with reckless, fun abandon, February 14 makes a lotta sense!

So what are you going to be up to on that day?

I might be in the midst of loved ones, laughing and living, or stuck in the middle of work and promoting my brand with my publicist, whatever it is, I will take out time to inhale the sweet smell of love surrounding the world on that special day.

I’m sure there’ll be pack of events lined up to wow lovers for the next 4 weeks all because of Valentine’s day, one event that has caught my attention is the “Sex and Seduction” Tea party that my publicist can’t stop talking about. Her passion is like a bulldozer. It’s either you line up behind it or it clears you off the ground. Sometimes it’s good for me (cos I can be veeeerrrry patient when it comes to making decisions, and she can’t wait to run with ideas) and sometimes it drives me insane (cos she sees my patience as slow, which I am not! LOL!).

So back to the “Sex and Seduction” Tea party; I find even the title of the event intriguing. And on enquiry I found that the principal of this very intriguing event scheduled for March 17, is just as intriguing herself – they call her Pink Mafia. When someone is willing to build a business when they have comfortable 9-to-5 jobs that take good care of their needs, I think it’s great. And to think out of the box entirely and build your business around something as hush-hush as sex is just mind-blowing (no pun intended).

We all know sex is a touchy subject, but thank God a lot of people are loosening up to the idea of learning more on how to pleasure the one they are with, I just can’t wait to know what the content of that tea party is going to be! Because really, we have found out through many studies that sex affects a very major part of how we end up in life. Sex affects how much success we are able to make out of life. Sex affects our happiness, it affects the way we feel about ourselves. When your boss comes to work extra bright, it might not be the new account that is making him excited, it might be that his wife gave him the best sex ever! And if a girl walks around feeling three inches taller, it might be that some great guy in her life is giving her sexual healing just in the right dose!

So you see why we cannot all look the other way when someone dares to educate us on these things.

I’m looking forward to the event. March 17 is not so far away. And the beautiful thing is I hear the lady in question is also a plus-sized sweetheart. Ah! There’ll be many tips on how to get raunchy as a big and beautiful woman, which I cannot wait to hear about.

I’ve got my notepad ready *wink!

Enjoy today.

-         

-  Adaora

Let the music play!

be happy with yourself

Music is the soul of life.

Like many of us I can relate to the beauty of music. It’s like the best lover anyone can have – it makes you laugh, can make you cry, comforts you, inspires you, and most importantly, it heals.

We’ve all had songs that represent different things to us. I remember Justin Timberlake’s cry me a river; ah! What that song did to me, eh?! Hmmmm!

And then there was the hippie Destiny Child’s bills bills bills. Lol! I know a lot of guys hated that song cos it reminded them of their, ahem, inadequacies. Hehehehe!

Britney Spears had the stronger than yesterday song that was able to make us dance and also reminded us that we are stronger than all of our problems.

Jessie had all of us dancing and miming last year with price tag. It still is a song I can call on anytime I feel the need to remind myself that money is just an instrument, I am already an amazing person with or without that instrument J

Coming down to home country, I think Eldee just completed my last year’s wish with that na wash track. It’s so true to the nature of the typical Nigerian.

And that is what I want us to take a minute to talk about.

Why do we pretend?

Think about it for just one minute.

Why do we try so hard to impress others? Why do we lie? Why do we try to jeopardise ourselves for things or people that are just as human – with their own challenges – as we are?

When you say to your friend: “Oh, I just got back from New York, I turned down Elite Model offer.” When we can all see that you are not exactly a model structure, what really are you trying to prove?

When you say: “He proposed but I’m still not sure if I should say yes.” When the guy in question doesn’t even know you exist. What is the point of that lie?

Or when you claim: “I can’t live on the mainland” when your whole family grew up there, what is the point of that statement?

I guess to some extent many people are guilty of living false lives. Maybe it is just a need to ‘belong’ to a certain class, or be approved by certain people, or for respect. Whatever it is, the worst part of being insincere about who you are is the fact that you soon begin to believe your own falsehood, and cannot tell the difference between a lie and the truth at some point.

And that is dangerous.

At certain phases of our lives, we feel like we are not exactly living up to the blueprint we have lined out, and since it looks like we are still very far from attaining it, we decide to believe we are there by lying about the situation.

The sad thing about lies is that it doesn’t end there, it births other more grave issues that can lead to actions and dire consequences.

If we really think about why we do some of the things we do – claiming to be what we are not – we would be able to appreciate the folly of it.

Truth is, people who really care about you do not need to love you or respect you because of a status you claim by lying, they already do! They do not need to be impressed because their love (for you) already births care, a certain level of respect and understanding for whatever situation you are in

So what this means is, we spend way too much time trying to impress too many people who don’t give a damn about us. People who still wouldn’t give a damn if or when we get to achieve some of those blatant lies we tell.

Now, as you sip your morning tea, ask yourself: is it worth it?

I am already a wonderful person, blessed, able to achieve my goals in life, beautiful, and caring. Why do I need anyone to approve of me if I need to lie to get their love and acceptance?

Have a glorious day!

-          Adaora

Dear Vogue, where’s my size?

The world makes us believe it is hard to dress the plus-size woman.

Well…

Even in Africa where the female anatomy is more voluptuous in structure, we have our very own fashion designers, experts, and stylists shirk the larger populace of big women all in the name of keeping it simple, svelte and trendy. The message you get from that is: “Dear fat one, you cannot afford to be chic, elegant or polished. Your excess is enough to worry about (gulp)!”

This is heart-breaking as I have heard of situations where designers, commissioned to dress a set of people, fight over the skinny ones whilst making it very clear – in hush voices of course – that they wouldn’t be pleased to have their designs on the big ones.

And I wonder where we obtained this aversion for ourselves. And how do we sleep at night when we blatantly deny who we are because in every family, you most likely would find one big person. Is it alien to us – this size? If not, then it’s just unbecoming of us to act like we are not structured in certain ways and be proud of it. But it is easy to understand, as everything we have become thus far has been borrowed – our sense of style, our politics, our idea of love and marriage, our accent, everything.

Still, it doesn’t erase the fact that over 70% of women both young and old are on the thick side. We are Africans, that’s just the way we are built. Should we apologise for the way we are?

I have encountered situations where I get into a shop and there’s nothing in my size. You get the impression that shopping is reserved for smaller people. I find it hard to get my size of jeans, tees, dresses, skirts, name it! While my not-so-big friends have their bags full of goodies, I’m still skipping from shop to shop trying to find one fitting shirt. It’s frustrating; and that is the shopping life of a plus-sized woman in a world that keeps denying we exist!

When you walk into the electronic door in a bank, as a plus-size, the crazy door literally screams for you to get out of it. The embarrassment is just….aaaarrrrrggghhhh!!!!

In restaurants they make chairs for their guests as if we are allowed to sit with only a half of our buttocks…

I can go on and on but I know you get my drift; nothing is made to satisfy the larger number of people that exist – who are big naturally.

In the olden days, it was ok to have some meat on your bones. It was counted as beautiful. In some culture, women were taking to “fattening rooms” so they can add some weight before meeting their husbands, and so on.

I do understand the health implications of being obese. But we aren’t talking about obesity, are we? We are talking about being plump, big, thick which might be hereditary or even by choice. Either way, it doesn’t automatically mean that you are unhealthy. Skinny can also be very unhealthy. And it is this crazy desire to remain skinny and perfect for a magazine cover that has driven a lot of beautiful young women – both black and white – to extreme measures that result in anorexia or bulimia.

But let’s not depress ourselves with thoughts of our so-called ‘imperfections’. On Thursday, I shall be heading to stores with my energetic publicist, Joy Isi Bewaji (who happens to be obsessed with being and staying skinny by the way. Oh Joy, LOL!), to get some fancy materials and accessories to start working on my fashion line – for the plus-size woman!

I strongly believe the plus-size woman should feel sexy, desirable, beautiful, confident in whatever she wears, and if the world continues to deny her that sense of belonging, then it is up to me to build an empire around it. Yes I can!

Get ready cos in only a few weeks to come we shall be launching the Adaora line. It’s a decade old dream, I have books of sketches, and had at one time tried to partner with someone to achieve it but it fell on the wayside. This time nothing is stopping us. Amen!

You shall be the first to see the outcome of our work.

Have a jolly day!

- Adaora 

Can I kiss you, Hater?

Chris Brown.

Now tell me the first thought that ran through your mind when you read that name?

Did you think of a super talented musician? An amazing dancer who has been cheered along with greats like Michael Jackson? An incredible all-rounder who can also spit rhymes like a true MC?………..

Or a violent boyfriend?

Hmmmm!

When Chris Brown was first introduced to stardom, it wasn’t so hard to accept him. He could sing, he could move, and oh lordy, he looked so good. It was an easy sell, and we all agreed that this one will go far. He had youth on his side and all the energy and passion and swag that come with being one of the best.

But then something happened, and unless you are a die-hard fan of Chris Brown and he can do no wrong in your eyes, you’ll agree that that incident shook the very foundation of his soaring career.

That incident was the Rihanna abuse.

Many versions have come out for and against Breezy (that’s what hiphop calls him, sometimes). Some say Rihanna is the ‘B’ word and deserved what she got, others said they were both crazy lovers and that Riri (that’s Rihanna) gave as much emotional blows as Chris Brown’s physical blows. Others said Chris was as guilty as could possibly be and his music should be banned…all sorts came out of that one act.

And though his career didn’t take the expected nose dive to doom, his belief and confidence in himself as a good person must have sunk low and deep. We all interpret pain in different ways, it seemed Chris interpreted his own pain by churning out even better music (don’t you just love ‘Beautiful people’?). Still, I strongly believe that even in the face of such monster tracks, he is in pain because people may never be able to see him the way that he was before the incident.

It would be folly of me to talk about the issue without mentioning that Rihanna too would have suffered emotionally and even her self-confidence would have shaken, but truth is Rihanna was the victim, and despite the many back and forth arguments for and against her own role in the fracas, the majority of us on the planet was on her side to console her, therefore making her own healing faster.

But what about the abuser? Is he too not in need of.......some kind of comfort?

Ok! Before you throw stones my way for this blasphemy (Lol!), I’d like to say here that the only way true healing can happen is when both victim and predator (or whatever term we want to use for Breezy) go through proper counselling and relief. If not, one person find the spirit to move on while the other remains in the same state that made him do what he did in the first place.

I hope you are getting me?

That relief can be prison time, it can be counselling, it can be rehabilitation, anything but the constant badgering of the person’s self-worth and right to a second chance.

Now note that I am talking only about issues bordering on some kind of violence, and not paedophilia, murder or any of those malevolent born-out-of-the-devil’s-womb criminal acts! That is why I use Chris and Rihanna as my example.

The truth of the matter is, Chris ‘Breezy’ Brown is still an amazing talent, and it is sad that at present when his name comes to mind, many of us remember not his music or his last amazing stage performance, or his many awards, but we remember him as an abuser of the weaker sex, and that may not leave our heads for a long time to come.

Why?

Because they are people who play the devil’s advocate, constantly reminding him and us why he should never be given another chance to redeem himself.

They are what we call, HATERS!

Even in our miniature industry here in Nigeria, we suffer in the hands of haters who stumble on themselves just to spread the latest sour gist. Like chocolate is to children, and diamond is to women, your destruction is the oxygen that sustains haters!

As much as we should not live based on any tag fixed on us by others, it is hard to completely ignore what another is saying about you. And because we are human, when we cannot fight back we find all those catchy phrases to make us feel better: “I don’t have time for any hater, I am busy living a good life….” “Haters got nothing on me, I am above them, they can’t get to me…”

Good. But even in the midst of such words is pain because deep down we all just want to be accepted and respected.

So my therapy for us this morning is to just blow a big kiss to the haters. They come in many shapes and sizes and their joy is in your downfall. You can’t fight their dirty battle, don’t even bother. They are like Boko Haram, ready to destroy everything beautiful to justify their own sad lives.

And since we cannot live perfect lives (only God is perfect), we can only continue to ward off these haters with kind words if possible, so they do not build a temple of suspicion, mistrust or scepticism where we doubt our own God-given abilities to win in life.

Live with the truth in your heart: your mistakes are yours to make, and you shall overcome all your shortcomings. No matter what haters do to distract you from your ultimate goal, don’t stick around throwing punches, blow them a kiss and walk into your destiny.

Mwah!!!!

-          Adaora