Tuesday, February 28, 2012

“Hello Friend, Is there poison in my tea?”

Friendship is a hard thing. Sometimes it brings you joy, other times pain and regret.

I have been a victim of sour friendship. A friend should be someone who stands by you through it all but in a fast-paced society, it is almost impossible to find that kind of friendship that is loyal and true to you.

I remember a particular friend. We both started off good, but things went really bad at some point. It was basically fuelled by her determination to see that I don’t rise above her; and me, in all my simplicity didn’t see her coming with her conniving ways.

I applauded her rise even when she was hell-bent on proving that I couldn’t rise just as fast. She even ridiculed my weight at some point; going as far as making sure that my size would be a hindrance to my progress in life.

*Sigh!* Just thinking about it now still breaks my heart.

Even then, I tried to make up with her after so many years of unnecessary enmity, but she literally banged the phone on me when I called.

I shrugged it off. She’s living her life; and I am living mine. Life must go on.

Unlike parents and siblings, we have the opportunity to choose the friends that we want around us. Sometimes we choose the wrong ones, sometimes we get it right. I wouldn’t say I have been lucky in that department of life, but no matter who comes into my life, I try to give my best into it.

I see her growth, and I still wish her well. But I’m not sure if she wishes the same for me.

The worst thing that can happen to friendship is when it becomes competitive. People say competition is healthy, most of the time it is not.

The only competition that should be encouraged is the competition you have with yourself, not when you try so desperately to be better than someone else. How are you sure you are both on the same page in life. How can you be so sure you are even heading in the same direction? What if she’s going North, and you are heading South?

Friendship is for loving, caring and sharing; not for warring.

Let’s find a friend today, but be careful who you let into your life. If you can’t leave your cup of tea on the table for fear of poisoning, then that friend is better off without that tag.

Good morning.

-          Adaora

Monday, February 27, 2012

Sonia, what were you thinking?

We woke up on Saturday to the blatant pictures of an 18-year-old girl licking on DavidO’s (19) tattoo in bed (after rounds of sex, of course), and with no speck of shame, the young lady tweets about how great his d**k is.

Please don’t laugh cos there’s nothing remotely funny about it. We are talking teenagers here. This girl has all her priorities mixed up and in the nearest future will reap abundantly this stupidity she has sown in her life and on the world wide web. I am saddened. What have we become? What has the world become? Sonia (the girl in question) tweets again that out of many she was chosen so she has to show-off; and adds that: “all na hustle!”

The world is truly coming to an end.

I remember when I was 18; what did I know? All I cared about was making it through school with good results and getting my career path sorted. Sex was not on that list. It is not supposed to be. And it is just heart-breaking that many people believe there’s nothing wrong with what she did; and even go on to call anyone who does a hater!

This happened only a day or two after Joy Isi Bewaji, my friend and publicist, wrote a piece on ynalja titled: On Hiphop, hos, and air-heads, thoroughly capturing the culture of hip-hop and how it must share the blame in the lives of girls like Sonia. The culture of hip-hop is so desperate, so stark, so vain, it’s no wonder why so many Sonias are created out of it these days.

I have copied the article for my blog visitors to read and see just how important it is to live your life away from the dictates of some kind of music that births some kind of lifestyle.

Enjoy and share your thoughts….


Thought Couture: On Hiphop, hos, and air-heads by Joy Isi Bewaji

From the few amazing hip-hop lyrics Nigerians have had the privilege of listening to, to the grumpy mishap of so many others, it would seem that hip-hop admires only one kind of woman – the heavily endowed anatomy that is ‘packed’ on both ends with a lot of thick flesh not easily shaken. In a way, this has formed the ideal kind of woman for even regular dudes with no concrete reason why they seem drawn to that specification. Whatever thoughts we have of black music (especially) and how it runs the risk of making teenage girls lose their virginity too fast, or a desperate need for women to wear butt pads and padded bras just to fit the stereotype hip-hop look, it is at risk of making young men treacherously deluded when it comes to their expectations of the female form.

Hilarious as it may seem that a grown man with, hopefully, a working brain would need to pick a partner based on the size of her boobs in comparison with that of Amber Rose and expect that singular decision should lead to a happy relationship is beyond me. But it is happening every day. It is a culture that derides any woman with average built. And because we rely mostly on hip-hop more than any other genre to entertain us, we are quick to buy into the fantasies of what is on offer.

One of it is the unnecessary need for guys to be insensitive. If you go on twitter most guys, between the ages of 18 – 32, spend too much of their time dissing women and their body-parts. A tweet that speaks tactlessly on women and how far many of them are cursed with small this-and-that would receive many staggering re-tweets and replies in only a few minutes. This goes to show that the best way to stay relevant and cool on social network is to pick jokes at women. It wouldn’t be so pathetic if the women themselves did not indulge these boys, trying to make them see how blessed they (women) are to be endowed with the ideal hip-hop anatomy by displaying their body parts at the only form of identification on their pages. There is, of course, the ripple effect that comes out of this – people meet up, sex happens, life becomes complicated. And to get some kind of sanity back, we turn to the music and the cycle happens all over again.

Secondly, it is disturbing how women allow a few videos, probably photo-shopped look of another woman determine their own level of beauty and happiness. It used to be that everyone wanted to be fit, especially for health reasons; we work out, try to lose all that weight and stay a size 4 hopefully (unless you are born with big bones). When you do all the necessary exercise and diet, the normal result would be smaller breasts and fitter buttocks. That is a way of keeping the weight issues at bay. But now we are back to the fattening room, not because we really want to be fat but we need certain parts of our bodies to remain fat so we fit into the needs of the 21st century guy who just cannot think straight or make any concrete decision in life without the need to ride on an XXXL sized booty.

It’s a hip-hop problem.

Even our idea of love and relationship is twisted. A guy that shows any form of vulnerability towards the opposite sex is considered a douche bag, a fag, less-than-a-man. The culture of hip-hop expects him to be brash, insensitive, rough, tough, easy to discard, and indifferent. And if at all he thinks you are cool (after assessing if you have a whooping booty and actual boobs), he makes it clear it’s just for the shags, no commitment…

So the results are: too many hos, too many players, lots of drugs, air-heads, and a total depreciation of societal values.

Along the line, we see that violence also finds a place in the equation with bratty, unapologetic behaviour from young adults who should be more concerned about building careers.

Little wonder we have women who would readily make themselves available for a quack doctor to inject cement into their butt! It is sheer madness that has been fuelled for years by hip-hop.

Here’s a story so gloriously tacky that it never leaves the lips of a circle of friends: it is about a guy who was sold on the hip-hop hype and wanted to be with a thick woman so badly that all he cared about was the size of certain parts of a woman. He ends up with one with just the right size that could compete with any video vixen. They get into the groove and pow!!! He discovers she’s just “a bag of fat” after all the clothes “keeping ‘em all together” comes off!

And then another one who marries the anatomy-of-desire, exchange vows with these body-parts he chose for himself and then right in front of him, she grows obese after three children.

You see, it’s just music. Even when they sell a certain kind of image, these musicians live very different lives away from the pictures you see in their videos.

So doesn’t it make you rather unintelligent that you would carve your own desires and future around something that is almost unreal?


Friday, February 24, 2012

The Big and Bold decision

Adele won six Grammys at the just concluded event.
The beauty of that win is for everyone, especially plus-sized women.
There’s a reason why I started this blog. If you look at my pay-off it says: “the life and ambition of a plus-sized sweetheart.”
I am here to celebrate the plus-sized woman because I am one. So when I see a plus-sized sister succeed in a tough environment - an environment that clearly makes her feel uncomfortable because of its frequent request for her to lose weight, to stay a certain size, to find ‘beauty’ - it makes me glad.
Adele has suffered bad relationships, and only God knows what else especially in the skinny-obsessed America. But she triumphs eventually. And not just a drop of success but a sweeping achievement that would be hard to beat!
It brought tears to her eyes. My heart leapt for her!
What that tells you, my dear fellow plus-sized sweethearts is: nothing, and I repeat, nothing is beyond your reach. People may try to define what they think is good for you, but it is only you (and the God that you worship) that can truly position and make you shine beyond anyone’s imagination.
The world is a tough place to be; but we are all in it, and we must trudge on to find definition for ourselves.

That is the challenge.
And not matter what others are going through. It seems the plus-sized people have a harder chance at making it work.

Sigh!

But Adele success is a good booster for our ego.
No matter your sex – man or woman. Create the world you want for yourselves, because at the end of it, the laws of nature does not care what size you are.

And who says you are not beautiful? Stand in front of your mirror in all your glory and declare the beauty that you are. God does not create ugly. Appreciate who you are!
The weekend is here already. Celebrate your life.
Yay!

-          Adaora

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Cupid hasn't left town just yet!

Hey all!

A new show is starting this evening on CityFM 105.1. I’m excited cos it’s a show that will be anchored by my publicist, Joy Isi Bewaji, and I have also had the privilege of getting a scoop of what it’s about. It’s gonna be different, fun, and fresh! So tune in by 5pm.

She’s gonna be match-making celebrities. And the twitter page has been hot since Monday with all kinds of peeps playing cupid. LOL!

If I were to join in the game, I’d pick a couple of names who I think would look super-cool together:

The first set would be DonJazzy and Toolz. Toolz is the OAP on Beat FM. She’s thick, she’s curvy, she’s hot. And you know I love my plus-sized sisters! I think they’ll look good together.

Banky W would make a good match with Tiwa Savage. Their kids will be so beautiful! Don’t you agree?

In my industry, I’ll give Muna to Nonso Diobi just because they already look like siblings – all round cuteness.

Who would you like to see together? You can join in the game. The twitter handle is @Ent_Top3

Join in the fun!

Another gist that’s hot is MI’s multimillion naira office. Don’t you just love that guy? Success is such sweet syrup. All the best, superstar!

For the rest of us, go out and prosper. God will make us all bigger.

Cheers!

-          Adaora

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Wake. Stretch. Jerk off!

I refuse to talk about the news making rounds that a popular pastor thinks masturbation isn’t a sin. I am neither here nor there on the matter *coughs*
What I really want to talk about is the reasons why we do what we do all in the name of love…or in the name of what love can give back to us.
In this case, love represents a visa, money, a job, a house, some kind of connection to bigger things…anything that makes us bigger, richer or better.
If you didn’t see the picture that made its round on social network last week, well here it is………..
Please allow me to Laugh Out Loud!!!!
It is one thing to be desperate enough to end up with someone for all the wrong reasons, but it is another kettle of shame when your family members play along with you.
Haba!
So who’s going to put this young man in shape if he is so deluded to think that marrying an older, bald woman would give him the keys to the room full of gold?
Let’s get creative for a bit and see how this script might play out:
They get to UK, US, wherever the chick is from…
She gets back to work and he resumes his duty as the bed-mate, watching all the series on TV, eating everything within his reach, getting her dinner warm, and of course warming her bed.
Until she gets tired of fending for this black man with enough energy in bed to move mount Kilamanjaro…
She starts to get ticked off and then he goes out to look for a job
He gets a job as a cleaner in a restaurant…
He starts to flirt with his Asian colleague
She is younger and fresher, and makes the mistake of leaving their flirty texts on his phone
Baldie wife snoops around and finds the texts
Now his ass is going to be fried in the kitchen, and threats of throwing him back to Africa where lions will finish the job is screamed until her veins turn from green to purple….
In all of this, young Nigerian male is still yet to find the gold room…it doesn’t exist of course, and he has to WORK like every other human being to make money!
But you would think everyone would know that….hmmm!
I think it hurts even God when we delude ourselves to think we can reap from someone on the basis of their nationality, colour etc. Make the best of your own situation and don’t think you can jerk off forever on someone else’s fortune.
Peace.
-          Adaora

Monday, February 20, 2012

Ring the alarm!

Hello all! How was the weekend? Smooth? Rough? Kind? Sweet?
Whatever it was, a new week is here and we can make it a whole lot better than last week.
I got into a lot of soul searching during the weekend. And I have come to one conclusion:
Do. You.
I have given more than a decade to an industry that I love with all my heart. To be fair, the industry has shown me love and has accepted me and made me part of it. But there comes a time where you want more because you believe you deserve more, so what is stopping you?
There are many things that might hinder progress. But I’m sure we all have the head-knowledge of what they are. As someone in the limelight, I would like to speak about one key and very useful ingredient.
Publicity.
You see, for many years I didn’t think it was such a big deal. I believed your talent was enough publicity on its own. If you are good, they will find you out. Right? Wrong!
The best brands in the world have been splashed all over our faces, on our corridors, roads for us to take notice and admit they are good.
In a technologically driven society where you need to consistently update your presence like facebook updates its ‘look and feel’ then you need more than your talent to speak for you. You need to put a mechanism in place that runs your business like it’s going out of fashion!
I have come to realise that is the only way to stay fresh.
My publicist, Joy, and I went CD and books shopping this weekend, when I heard her scream “What???” at the CD shelf and rushed to know what could alarm her so bad. She was staring at someone’s CD – it was Vector’s and she said, “Vector has an album?”
And I shrugged cos I didn’t know that either. And she was truly pained by this, just as she was pained by Timi Dakolo’s.
All these great talents with no gong to sing their arrival.
Vector is a good rapper, he could be great if only there’s a proper mechanism to keep getting us to want more of him. And so is Timi Dakolo; ah! The magic of his voice!
And I also accept, even as I have spent so long in an industry, I could be bigger. But like a lot of people, I believed solely on my talent and didn’t pay enough attention to the other side that would quench the thirst of the fans. They want to see you in a certain light, even if it is humanly impossible to be perfect always, they want to see you try and play god.
It’s called perception, and it sells bigger than talent.
Rihanna doesn’t have the biggest voice. P.Diddy isn’t even an average rapper – talentwise. And on and on and on…
Perception is truly reality! So get on that train and build yourself.
Only you, through your decisions, can make you bigger

-          Adaora

Friday, February 17, 2012

Winner and Losers

I just heard 6 foot 7 foot off MI’s Illegal Music 2 featuring Phenom, and all I have to say is….
HOT!!!!!
MI is the biggest rap act in all of Africa at the moment, and to see a young uprising rapper (Phenom) take on his part so very well is just amazing!!!! It’s just goes to show how much we all have inside of us if we can find the right platform. Phenom is trending at the moment so that shows just how much of him everyone loves.
Er…I took a peek at his twitter pix, and he isn’t bad looking at all *coughs*
More hot spits to your talent dude. You are a winner most definitely!
Did y’all hear about the life sentences Abdulmutallab bagged for trying to bomb an airplane a few years back? Well, the young lad, from a rich Nigerian home by the way, will be spending the rest of his life in jail. And if the movies we watch is anything to go by, he is going to be raped and eventually made someone’s wife in jail. Sad. Sad. Sad.
But then again, a worthy lesson for all terrorists out there. You are the misplaced seed in a world that can be peaceful and joyful. And we are tired of having to live fearful lives just because you exist. May you all fall inside the pits that you dug. Amen!
For this young lad that has wasted all the opportunities his family has presented to him just so he can be a fanatic of some sort, he is a loser and we are ashamed how you have contributed in ruining the Nigerian image.
I also hear Lami’s new song “Baby” featuring Kel and Mo’cheddah. Not bad. They are winners in their own rights. Without a doubt Mo’cheddah is a fantastic artiste, her ease from rap to singing is just sweet. You are a winner girl!
Whatever the case maybe, it is Friday and we’ve got a few hours at work before we decide what we’ll be doing for the rest of the day/evening. Whatever you decide, play the winner – help someone home if you’ve got a ride, buy a drink for the pretty lady or handsome dude at the club, drag someone who is burdened with life issues to go out for a dance, treat someone to a cinema time out.
Let’s win all through the weekend.
See ya!
-          Adaora